oh if you knew just what a fool you have made me

[undonewithout]

They find their way into the new shape of things over the next month. The barriers and boundaries, walking the tension between what Gideon desires and what Harrow can allow, all of it kept secret and safe within the walls of their apartment. It doesn't always work; there are fights and frigid silences, Gideon throwing herself into workouts as an act of aggression and Harrow immersing herself in a book or Sextus' latest draft of theories and theorems with as much pointed intensity. When it's successful, though, when all the fractured pieces of themselves come together into some temporary whole...

Harrow does not find it unpleasant. Not entirely.

She insists that they act no different than usual in public, still necromancer and cavalier, still as Ninth as they can be in a pre-Resurrection backwater. It's the only way it can work, and though Gideon makes no secret of her opinion, grumbling at home and out, trying to catch Harrow's hand or stand a little closer than ordinary, she bears it with an aggrieved stoicism that sets Harrow's teeth on edge and almost amuses her all at once. She harbors no illusion that Gideon's patience will last forever; this new change will soon find itself brayed to the world--or merely to the Sixth (bad enough, and Harrow already suspects the Warden and his Hand know some scrap of it anyway) and Maeve (even worse)--but for now something close enough to privacy reigns between them.

The one topic Gideon can't let go, refuses to let go despite arguments and at least three battles with constructs, is the idea of a date. The term isn't unfamiliar, nor the concept, but both strike Harrow as wholly unnecessary. They know what they are, what they've become to one another; that should suffice, and yet for her cavalier, it's only the beginning. She wheedles and pleads, starts dropping it into conversations at points both ludicrous and logical, and while Harrow will never admit to being worn down, she's intelligent enough to see that getting this out of Gideon's system may be the only way of shutting her up.

The one least liable to result in questions or a disapproving look from Sextus, that is.

Gideon picks the day, and Harrow the place. At the appointed hour, they set off for Petros Park, Harrow casting furtive looks at anyone they pass and keeping her hands tightly folded, her arms rigid to discourage any soft touch or brief tangle of fingers. "I forbid you from enjoying this," she mutters as they walk, when everyone else is out of earshot. "So wipe that smile off your face. You look like a loon."

Comments

[undonewithout]

Revulsion and desire swirl within her when Gideon moans like that, the wet and too-hot feeling of her cav's mouth on hers, the vibration of the sound. She responds by twisting her fingers in Gideon's hair again, her free hand skimming over the thin stuff of Gideon's shirt, mapping the firm curve of her bicep, the lean muscle of her side, the hard plane of her belly.

It's both fumbling and unthinkingly calculated, avoiding--as she always does--the swell of Gideon's tits. She's learned how to touch, if slowly, and how to manage it, but some places are still beyond her.

[wedobones]

Harrow's fingers twist in Gideon's hair and her breath leaves her in a hiss. The pain isn't at all unpleasant - in fact, it provokes an answering throb lower down her body and her fingers tighten on Harrow, just a little.

"You can do that again," she says. "Harder."

[undonewithout]

The sound she lets out when Gideon holds her tighter is pathetic, a reedy warble of unconstrained want--even as her pulse speeds up and her stomach lurches, a momentary sense of entrapment encroaching before she can push it away. She focuses on the rasp of Gideon's voice instead, and when she pulls her hair again, it's harder and more purposeful.

"Thought you liked that, Griddle."

[wedobones]

"I did," says Gideon, her mouth suddenly gone dry, other parts of her suddenly gone decidedly not dry. "Did. Really." Her hand dips lower, her nails scraping the small of Harrow's back through the thin stuff of her shirt.

[undonewithout]

"Good," is all she can get out before Gideon's nails scrape down again, lower and harder. Harrow makes another shuddering noise, humiliating in its desperation. Humiliating, too, in the way it strikes her right between the thighs. Her face flushes dark, and when she kisses Gideon again, her teeth nip sharply at her lower lip.

[wedobones]

The kiss is sharp, Harrow's fingers still tight in her hair, and Gideon moans, her hips squirming slightly between Harrow's slight weight and the couch cushions. Both hands slide up over Harrow's sides, over her ribs, almost but not quite cupping her tits.

[undonewithout]

Gideon moves under her, and Harrow's head spins, her legs tightening, her knees digging into the curve of Gideon's hips--as if she could keep her there, pin her in place and feel her struggle. She's aware enough of the slide of Gideon's hands, the careful track up her ribcage and over. They've been here before; Gideon waiting, Gideon hoping, the intimacy something Harrow's struggled with allowing. She breaks the kiss, her breath coming hard and shaky as she looks into the other girl's eyes.

"Tell me what you want."

[wedobones]

She feels pinned in that moment - by Harrow's dark eyes, by the sharp jut of her knees, her hands. She stares into her girlfriend's eyes for a moment, and swallows.

"I want to touch you under your clothes," she says, swallowing hard. "I want to make you come."

[undonewithout]

All Harrow can do at first is stare, the sharp angles of her face frozen somewhere between an unsteady lack of certainty and a deeper and more slow-burning arousal. Gideon's hands don't move, though she can feel the fine tremor of her fingertips, the potential energy waiting to be released. All would take is a nod, a movement more simple than some of the choices either of them have made; it's easier than a tumble onto a broken fence, cleaner than the sharp thrust of an awl into a temporal lobe. It's impossible, and frighteningly possible, and the decision keeps her frozen a beat longer than she'd like.

Her face flames hot, her throat working against--and with--all the words clawing their way out of her chest. "Start with the first," she says hoarsely. "I can't promise the second. Tonight."

[wedobones]

"Oh, shit, Harrow," says Gideon, almost moans it and then she moves her hands, one coming to rest on Harrow's hip to steady her, the other pausing, for a moment, before slipping under the hem of her t-shirt, touching the feverishly hot skin of her side.

"Tell me how," she says, her voice hoarse.

[undonewithout]

Gideon's hand curves around her hip, solid and steadying, and Harrow trembles like some willowy, helpless thing of the Seventh--not that she entertains that thought for more than a moment, not that she remembers the blinding shame of her reaction to Gideon's infatuation back on the First. It doesn't matter now. When she feels the warm, close contact of Gideon's fingertips on her belly, unfiltered through layers of clothing or the warm water of the bath, she bites her lip hard. The skin splits and heals over before she even tastes the copper sharpness of her blood.

"Trace my ribs," she says. "Work your way up to...where you want to be." She swallows hard. "And when you get there, stay over the bra. I'll tell you if I can...when you can do more."

[wedobones]

She goes as slowly as she can stand, tracing the ridges of Harrow's ribs with the tips of her fingers, carefully, one at a time. Once her hand is high enough, she traces the curve of Harrow's tit over the soft thin fabric of her bra with the edge of her thumbnail. Her head is tipped back so that she can keep her eyes fixed on Harrow's face.

[undonewithout]

Harrow keeps count; it keeps her present, keeps her focused, marking off each rib as Gideon's calloused fingertips slide over them. When her hand is high enough, when she feels the testing scrape of Gideon's nail along the small, high curve of her tit, Harrow's breath hitches.

"Oh, fuck," she murmurs, her hips shifting, her shoulders tensing for a moment before she settles again.

[wedobones]

Slowly, so slowly, almost holding her breath, Gideon traces the under-curve of Harrow's tit and then upwards, finding the sharp nub of her nipple and teasing it gently, still using her nail, not her fingertip. She thinks about how she's fantasised about touching Harrow when she's dozed off beside her...when she's got herself off in the shower the next morning.

[undonewithout]

Gideon's nail is less intrusive than her fingertip would be, a sharper and more manageable contact all at once. She teases her nipple, and Harrow's eyelashes flutter, her mouth falling open. Even with the thin stuff of her bra in the way, it's enough to make her head spin.

[wedobones]

She keeps up the light, exploratory touch, circling Harrow's nipple with her thumb. Her other hand tightens on Harrow's hip, squeezing, tugging her in a little closer. She knows then that she'd do anything Harrow told her to, anything the other girl ever wanted.

[undonewithout]

Her response to the gentle pull of Gideon's hand is embarrassing and immediate; shivering, she moves forward, pressing closer, pushing into the light rub of Gideon's thumb with a needy arch of her spine. "Emperor's blood, Gideon, kiss me while you do that," she says--almost pleads, and her stomach flips to hear the unguarded way it all spills from her mouth.

[wedobones]

Eager and obediant in a way that she's never been before in her life, Gideon leans up and kisses Harrow, hot and hungry. She shifts her hand, palming Harrow's tit gently, not squeezing but groaning when she feels Harrow's nipple against her palm.

[undonewithout]

Harrow moans into the kiss, squirming in Gideon's lap when the other girl's hand shifts, when her touch goes from lightly teasing to something firmer. Her fingers comb back into Gideon's hair, the copper bright against her pale skin. It's too much; it's just enough.

[wedobones]

"Pull my hair?" asks Gideon, her mouth smudging against Harrow's as she rolls her wrist, squeezing her tit gently. "Something. Please Harrow." She's so turned on that she can barely lace the words together.

[undonewithout]

She was steps away from doing something anyway, but Gideon says Please, Harrow like that and Harrow has to ride out a sudden, shameful wave of arousal before she can make her fingers move at all. Gideon fondles her and Harrow's fingers twist, pulling hard at her hair, pulling her head back a little so she can look more fully into Gideon's blazing eyes.

[wedobones]

"Oh, fuck,"mumbles Gideon as Harrow pulls her hair hard, tipping her head back. It arches the line of her body slightly, exposing her throat and chest. She pinches Harrow's nipple between two fingers, rolling the slight curve of her against her palm. Fuck. She's been dreaming of doing shit like this for months.

[undonewithout]

Harrow swallows back a groan as she takes in the arc of Gideon's body, the flutter of her pulse in her neck. She remembers another night, Gideon's mouth working over her throat as she panted and shivered, repulsed and unthinkably turned on all at the same time. And then, the next day, seeing the marks left behind. While she'd used what little flesh magic she knew to fade them into nothing, part of her had wanted them to stay--and damn the humiliation of the consequences.

She can't bring herself to taste the salt of Gideon's skin, to lay her claim on that tanned and lightly freckled throat, but God if she doesn't want to.

Gideon pinches her nipple and Harrow's hips jerk, a half-startled sound coming from her mouth. "That was good," she says, each word an effort. "A little too...it's on the edge of acceptable. But do it again."

[wedobones]

Gideon does it again, carefully judging how hard she pinches, rolling Harrow's nipple between forefinger and thumb.

"I'd do anything you want right now," she says, breathless, and knows that she means it.

[undonewithout]

This time, the noise Harrow makes has a little more form, coming closer to a moan than it had before. "You give me a shameful amount of license," she murmurs in response to that breathless promise, though already she's thinking through the possibilities, considering all that she wants--and the list is longer than she might have assumed--and everything she feels capable of allowing. She leans in, pressing into the warmth of Gideon's hand on her tit, kissing her long and slow.

"Take your hand away and close your eyes," she says, the words a rush so she doesn't lose her nerve. "Just for a minute."