up against these things I can't see

[undonewithout]

It isn't every night that Harrow crosses their narrow hallway in the middle of the night, slipping quietly into Gideon's room--but it's most of them. The solidity of her cavalier's presence, even deep asleep, is a greater reassurance since last month's disappearances, the inexplicable vanishing and subsequent return that still triggered an alarm response at the back of her brain.

Most things in and out of Darrow did, as Gideon was annoyingly apt to point out, but that didn't change the truth of it.

Tonight, Harrow wakes with a jolt to the sound of passing sirens, the tone close enough to the panicked klaxon of the Mithraeum bells that she scrabbles her way into a sitting position before she's even fully aware, fumbling for the sword that should be at her side in its protective coffin of bone. It's not here; it never was, but as the blue and red flash of lights filters into her room she tears the sheets towards the end of the bed in a half-awake and desperate search. Reality catches her after only a minute, less than that, but her pulse still pounds in her ears, her breath coming in jagged, helpless gasps. Execrable flesh magician though she is, she knows enough to slow the beat of her heart and purge the remaining adrenaline from her system. It helps, just enough.

She's fully awake now, though, alone in the ruin of her bed, and falling back to sleep here seems all at once impossible. Quickly, she slips out of bed and goes across the hall, listening at Gideon's closed bedroom door for a moment before she turns the knob and pushes it ajar. She can only just see the shape of Gideon curled under the blankets, warm and solid and deep asleep; she stays in the doorway for another moment, watching her, before she takes the last few steps to the edge of the bed and curls in at her side.

Comments

[undonewithout]

Harrow takes all of that on, takes it in along with the look on Gideon's face and the dark blush on her cheeks. It seems so small and so large a thing to consider, a possibility she wouldn't have entertained before tonight--not logically, and not without a drowning, heavy layer of humiliated shame. Her lips press thin and relax again as she thinks, the silence stretching out between the two of them.

"We can go to bed," she says, faintly amused at how it sounds, how it doesn't mean now what it would have only an hour or two ago. "Don't grab my neck like that again, but...if I told you where you could put your hands, would that work?"

[wedobones]

A little shiver goes through Gideon's shoulders at the thought, an electric clench low in her belly, and she nods.

"Yeah," she says, her voice rougher than she's expecting. "Yeah that would work, I think."

[undonewithout]

Gideon's used that huskier tone to mock her before, delighting in the irritation that crosses her face or the panicked, flustered look in her eyes. There's no joke to it now; for a moment, it's the most honest they've ever been with one another outside the salt water and the dark. "Okay," says Harrow, and it comes out halfway to a sigh.

Slowly, she gets up from the couch, hesitating a beat, maybe two, before she holds out a hand to Gideon. "Come on?"

[wedobones]

For a moment, Gideon just stares at Harrow's hand like she isn't sure what to do with it, but then she takes it, threading their fingers together as she stands. It feels really important to let Harrow be the one who takes them to the bedroom this time.

[undonewithout]

She's made herself get used to wearing gloves less often, acclimating slowly to the idea even if she still avoids touch with nearly everyone but Gideon. It isn't the first time they've held hands with nothing in the way, just the twist of their fingers together and the press of palm to palm, but as they go down the hall and into Gideon's bedroom, it feels different and more charged. Harrow shivers lightly, squeezing Gideon's fingers once in a quick pulse of contact before she lets go.

"Get in, but...stay sitting up?" she says, gesturing towards the top of the bed, a hesitant wave of hands that feels inadequate but is all she can manage. "I have an idea."

[wedobones]

The sheets are still rumpled from when they'd both woken up and Gideon climbs in, still in her sweats. She props herself up against the pillows, eyebrows raised expectantly, ignoring the fluttering sensation in her belly.

"Like this?"

[undonewithout]

"Like that."

Gideon moves without questioning it, slipping easily into bed and settling against the pillows. It all sends a ripple of something dark and strange through her, and Harrow thinks of the explanation she'd given Gideon not long ago--one of them devouring the other, sinking into one will, one burning and endless need. The heat on her face renews itself, her stomach dropping not unpleasantly, but she takes another step towards the edge of the bed and climbs in.

Shuffling forward, she settles herself in Gideon's lap, a light and almost birdlike weight as she allows her legs to fall into a loose bracket around Gideon's hips. She moves a little, testing the position and deciding how it feels; whether it's too much already, or not quite enough.

[wedobones]

Harrow is, as ever, bird boned and feverishly hot. She settles herself across Gideon's lap and Gideon can't help but think about another girl settling across her lap and how it was absolutely nothing like this. Mindful of what she'd promised, she leaves her hands loosely curled against the sheets, her head tipped back to look Harrow in the eye.

[undonewithout]

She and Gideon have always understood one another, whether they acknowledged it or not--all the underhanded tricks they'd used from the moment both of them could walk, the back and forth of arguments they'd had so many times, only one of them really needed to be there after a while. It had been an asset and a curse, and as Gideon catches her eye now, it's something else entirely.

Reaching down, she wraps her fingers around Gideon's wrists, guiding her hands up until they rest at her waist. The touch is filtered through the hoodie and shirt she's still wearing, but even through the fabric she can feel the weight of the other girl's hands at her sides, the gentle spread of her fingers just below the end of her rib cage. If she needs to end it, escape, it's a simple matter of letting herself fall backwards. She won't be trapped.

"Acceptable so far?"

[wedobones]

Gideon nods. Even through layers of clothing, she can feel the feverish heat of Harrow's skin. She flexes her fingers, just barely.

"So far, so good," she says.

[undonewithout]

Harrow nods, her mouth turning up into a soft smile, her eyes still watching each line and angle of Gideon's face. "Stay like that, to start," she says. "I'll tell you if I want...something different."

Impulsively, she runs a finger along the firm underside of Gideon's jaw, tracing the ridge of the mandible. The feeling of the bone beneath the skin is grounding, familiar, and after a moment she leans in. Her lips press firmly to Gideon's, another small soft sound coming out of her with the contact.

[wedobones]

"Roger that, night boss," says Gideon. She finds that she's more than happy to let Harrow decide her, her hands splayed against her girlfriend's sides as she leans in to kiss her. This time, the sound that Gideon makes is definitely a moan.

[undonewithout]

"Emperor's blood, Nav," Harrow mutters between kisses, the words smudged and shaky with the shock of hearing Gideon make a sound like that. She squirms a little, heat flooding through her, remembering after a moment what Gideon had asked to try again and determining it's worth the risk. Catching Gideon's lip in her teeth, she presses a little harder before letting go again.

[wedobones]

Harrow bites her again, the pain sudden, sharp and bright, and Gideon makes a soft sound against her mouth, his fingers tightening on Harrow's waist. Gideon tips her head, nudging the kiss deeper. The way Harrow squirms is maddening.

[undonewithout]

Moving Gideon's hands into position was one thing, but as they keep kissing Harrow realizes she has no idea what to do with her own. She flails a little, pressing closer as Gideon nudges the kiss deeper, wavering and uncertain even as she wants more. The first brush of their tongues makes her shiver, though not from the thought of once probing Ianthe's mouth like this; she's not looking for a replaced jaw or the bright line of a freshly sutured tongue this time, just taking all of this as it comes, until she can't any more.

[wedobones]

The touch of Harrow's tongue to hers draws another soft sound out of Gideon, another flexing tightening of Gideon's fingers at Harrow's waist. She shifts her hips against the bed, under Harrow's waist, helplessly aware of the hopeless throb of her cunt.

[undonewithout]

Harrow makes a helpless, quivering noise when Gideon holds her tighter and writhes like that. With the way she's sitting, all she can do is be moved with it, roll with it, her arms finally snaking around Gideon's chest, her useless hands splayed along the hard-muscled plane of her back.

"Nav," she says when finally she comes up for air, her head tilted back only far enough to look Gideon in the eye. Spots of color are high on her cheeks, her black Ninth eyes even blacker and more fathomless. "You can try...no promises, but...oh, by the grace of the Tomb, here." Untwisting from her grip on Gideon's torso, she grabs her wrist again with one hand while fumbling with the zipper on her hoodie with the other. Taking it off entirely is impossible--same with losing the shirt underneath--but this much, she can try.

For a half-second that Harrow already knows is going to replay forever in her cav's head, she guides Gideon's hand over the small, high swell of one tit--before abruptly shuddering and pulling it away again. "Nope," she murmurs, almost apologetic as she guides it back to her side instead, between the layers of hoodie and shirt. "I had to...check."

[wedobones]

Gideon just about has time for a garbled "oh my shitting God" before Harrow places Gideon's hand on her actual tit. It's smaller than Gideon's own, barely there, but she can feel the hard peak of Harrow's nipple against her palm through the thin stuff of Harrow's t-shirt.

"Uh...thanks for trying?" she says, tipping her head to look up at Harrow, her smile crooked and a little shy.

[undonewithout]

The outburst is blasphemous, hideous in that Harrow expects God himself would have little problem with it at all, but everything about it is so utterly Gideon there's no way she can stay offended for long. She watches Gideon watching her, the crooked slant of her smile another seed of warmth in her chest. She nods, once, more shyly than she expects.

"Thank you for letting me. And being okay with it not...happening."

[wedobones]

Her smile stays true, her hands squeezing lightly on Harrow's waist. "Can I try...just one finger on each hand under?"

[undonewithout]

Harrow has to think about that, shifting her weight as she stays sitting in Gideon's lap, held carefully by Gideon's hands at her side. The earlier squeeze to her neck had been intolerable, but the gentle pressure at her hips--there and gone in an instant--is oddly reassuring.

"One finger, each hand," she says at last. "Just to see."

[wedobones]

"Okay," says Gideon. Her eyes stay fixed on Harrow's face as she shifts her hands, working the index fingers on both hands under the hem of Harrow's t-shirt to just brush against her bare skin.

[undonewithout]

She holds her breath as Gideon moves her hands, displacing the fabric of her shirt just enough to slide her fingers--distal, middle, proximal, she counts each segment once and then again, left and right--underneath and over her skin. The lightness of the touch makes her shiver, her eyes closing for a moment as she tries to settle into it.

"This is okay."

[wedobones]

"Okay," says Gideon, softly, her fingers still moving against Harrow's skin. "Can I kiss you?"

[undonewithout]

With her eyes still closed, the murmur of Gideon's voice carries a new charge, a greater promise that has her lip catching in her teeth and a low ache starting somewhere that embarrasses her. Harrow inhales slowly, holds it, then exhales. "Please kiss me, Gideon. I...want that. I want that so much."